Have you ever planned to be really productive only to get completely knocked off track?
That was me in July. 😬
I was heading to Tampa for three weeks to chaperone my daughter Olivia at her ballet intensive, followed by a family vacation (yay for cousin-time!)
I imagined dropping her off at class each morning, getting in a great workout, maybe soaking in a little sun and diving into a big project I’d been excited about.
Instead, I found myself eating way too much sugar, skipping workouts, and feeling increasingly emotionally drained and scattered.
For those of us with a history of trauma, being away from our familiar surroundings and routines, can feel more destabilizing than it might for others. Our nervous systems, already finely tuned to scan for danger, can interpret even relatively minor changes or challenges as potential threats.
I know I’m not alone in getting knocked off track like this. Maybe you can relate? Perhaps for you, it’s:
🌀 Summertime chaos with kids home from school
🌀 Moving to a new home or city
🌀 Juggling work while caring for an aging parent
🌀 Recovering from illness or injury while life continues around you
🌀 Managing a big life transition that’s throwing everything off balance
After a busy school year, I was truly in need of some peaceful moments in the sun to reflect, re-energize and get creative. And so I was looking forward to going to Tampa for the 3-week ballet intensive. ☀️
We’d looked carefully at the pictures of the vrbo, read the reviews, and the apartment and complex we’d booked looked great! I was so excited! Actually, I was more excited than I’d allowed myself to be in a very long time – especially since I haven’t truly had more than a week of solo-time in the last 2 decades! 😳
But when we arrived I was disappointed to discover that the pool was dirty and unusable, the complex had dumpsters overflowing with garbage and old furniture, our little yard was overgrown and overlooked on all sides and there were beaten-up cars parked outside.
Most concerning to me though, were the late night boy-racers with their thumping bass and groups of twenty-something guys hanging around trailing clouds of marijuana.
Although none of these things were big or overtly dangerous in and of themselves, stacked together, they made my heart sink and turned my hypervigilance-dial way up!
I found solutions of course; checked doors and windows and even bought some pepper spray. But my plans for a calm and creative retreat were displaced by old survival instincts.
Different bed. Different routines. Away from my husband and two boys. Living somewhere that didn’t feel safe was tougher than I’d imagined.
Layered on top of that was the 20-year anniversary of my mum’s passing, which brought unexpected waves of grief, especially in quiet moments. 💔
I was ok most of the time, but the week leading up to her anniversary was particularly challenging. As is so often the case with milestone anniversaries, I couldn’t help reflecting on what my mum might have looked like now or the fact that I’ve almost lived longer without her than with her in my life.
I was drained, tearful and needed way more rest than normal – which I’m glad to say I was able to give myself. 💕🌱
As I said – there was no one specific event; nothing “bad” happened. But this underlying sense of un-safety coupled with just enough stacking of small disruptions and distractions (“mom, that class was hard, I got a blister, I can’t find my pointe shoes”…), meant that I let my normal routines slide.
And before I knew it – I sank into an old and familiar pattern of self-neglect:
💔 I skipped regular workouts (which I rely on for emotional regulation)
💔 I slid back into old comfort-eating patterns to alleviate stress (instead of journaling or tapping – yes even I skip tapping sometimes! 😉)
💔 I prioritized other people’s needs over my own self-care (a pattern I’m still working on!)
💔 I felt constantly “on” and unable to truly rest, re-group or find my rhythm
On one particular day, I’d managed to ignore all my usual procrastination traps. (“No, I don’t need another cup of tea. No, the dishes don’t need doing”..)
I was feeling energized and focused, when, in popped a text from a fellow dance-mom saying “did you see the email?”
Sure enough – there was an email from the dance-intensive organizers saying that we were required to have a very specific costume for the final performance by the very next day!!! 🫣
Before I knew it, I was google-searching “dance supply stores near me” and driving halfway to Orlando to pick the costume up! 😮💨
Of course, for you, it might not be about supporting your children. Whether it’s a last-minute work crisis that derails your weekend plans or a family emergency that throws your routine into chaos, any unexpected demand that pulls you away from your own needs can trigger this same pattern of self-abandonment.
I feel so grateful that I’m able to work remotely and support my daughter as she pursues her dreams..and I know that this is a season of life that will be over before I blink. But – these seasons, where our center of gravity gets pulled out from under us can be really challenging none the less.
And for trauma survivors, disruptions and set-backs like this can feel especially unsettling because they echo times when we had very little (if any) sense of agency, safety or control over our lives.
I don’t know about you, but I learned this past month, that this familiar survival pattern of pleasing others, abandoning my own needs and putting theirs ahead of my own is one that can leave me feeling drained and resentful if I don’t constantly work to keep it in check.
When we’re out of our element, even small changes can knock us off course. Our nervous systems begin working overtime, scanning for danger in an effort to keep us safe. Even if that “danger” is “only” a different bed, a packed schedule, or an unfamiliar environment, our bodies may still perceive it as a threat.
This is why, during unpredictable, busy or chaotic times, we might feel:
😮💨 More exhausted than the circumstances seem to warrant
😠 Irritable or emotionally raw over small things
⚡ Stuck in “go-go-go” mode, unable to rest (hello, stress cleaning!)
🧊 Numb or disconnected from our usual joy and motivation
For trauma survivors, this response makes perfect sense. Our nervous systems learned early that unfamiliar = potentially unsafe. Even positive changes (like me supporting my child’s dreams) can activate these old protective patterns (hello frantic cleaning🧺) .
Now that I’m home and finding my own rhythm and center again, I wanted to share some gentle and practical tools that have really been helping me – and can help you too whenever life or old patterns pull you off balance.
These tools aren’t about forcing or pushing yourself to get back to “normal” as fast as possible – they’re about working gently with your body and nervous system to find moments of groundedness and calm, even if you’re still in chaos.
1️⃣ Micro-Moments of Stillness
You don’t need to set aside a huge chunk of time to meditate when you’re in survival mode. Even a micro-burst of a 60 second pause can make all the difference:
🌿 Slow your breathing and unclench your jaw and gently roll your shoulders up, back and down (remembering that our shoulders are not earrings! 😉)
🌿 Feel the weight of your body in your chair – notice the support it gives you against you back, your seat, your legs
🌿 Notice your feet connecting with the floor – softly curl and uncurl your toes
🌿 Remind yourself: “Right now, in this moment, I am okay and I can take a moment to breathe”
When everything feels overwhelming, chaotic or beyond your control, try tapping on the side of your hand while saying:
“Even though I feel pulled in every direction right now, I’m open to finding moments of calm.”
Continue tapping through the points:
🌱 Top of Head: “Everything feels overwhelming”
🌱 Eyebrow: “I’m not in my usual rhythm and I feel like a fish out of water”
🌱 Side of Eye: “My nervous system is working overtime”
🌱 Under Eye: “But I’m safe right here in this moment”
🌱 Under Nose: “I can find small pockets of peace”
🌱 Chin: “I don’t have to have it all figured out right now”
🌱 Collarbone: “I’m doing the best I can”
🌱 Under Arm: “I give myself permission to take this one moment at a time”
🌱 Top of Head: “I release this sense of urgency, trusting that I will get back on track when I’m ready”
When we feel scattered, lost or unsure, it’s easy for us to lose our bearings and to feel overwhelmed. Taking a moment to tune into our senses can really help to ground and center us. This lets our body and nervous system re-connect to the here and now – essentially slowing everything down so that it all feels just a little bit more manageable. Try this and see how it feels to you:
👀 Turn your head slowly and notice 3-5 things you can see around you
👂 Identify 3-5 things you can hear
🤚 Feel 3-5 physical sensations (feet on floor, clothes on skin, air temperature)
This simple practice lets your nervous system know that: “I’m here, I’m present, I’m safe enough right now and I can take things one moment, one step and one day at a time.”
It’s so easy for us to beat ourselves up isn’t it? To give ourselves a really hard time for “getting off-track”. For “being behind”. For “not doing or being enough”. I know I’ve said those things to myself these last few weeks..
But, all these unkind thoughts and “shoulds” are exhausting!
Sometimes the most radical and self-caring step we can take to even begin to get back on track, is to give ourselves permission to be exactly where we are:
💛 Remind yourself that not every season has to be about growth and productivity
💛 Sometimes the “work” is simply showing up and holding steady
💛 Celebrate that the awareness of being off track is huge – some people spend their whole lives here without knowing it
💛 Trust that you’ll return to your center when the time is right
💛 Practice saying: “This is temporary, and I’m doing my best”
When you’re ready (no rush), choose one small thing that usually helps you feel like yourself:
☕ Make your favorite tea mindfully
🚶♀️ Take a short walk outside
📖 Read one page of a book you love
🎵 Play a song that makes you feel peaceful, joyful or energized
The goal isn’t to fix anything – you are not broken my friend! It’s to remind your system that you can still access things that nourish you no matter where you are on your journey – no matter how you’re feeling right now.
Now that I’m finally home, I’m doing my best to be gentle with myself. I’m enjoying being able to sit outside without melting in 100-degree heat! 🥵 It’s wonderful to reconnect with Alex and the boys, get back to my regular workouts, and return to routines that support my well-being.
But most importantly, I’m giving myself permission to take things at my own pace. I’m taking the time I need to course-correct. I’m re-prioritizing what matters most to me and finding a little more balance and peace along the way.
The project I wanted to work on is still there, and still exciting! My energy and focus are returning gradually. The sugar cravings are settling as I get back to foods that actually nourish me.
None of this means I “failed” during those weeks away. It means I’m human, and humans need time to adjust, especially when supporting the people we love through their own big moments.
Wherever you are in your season – whether you’re chasing kids around this summer, navigating grief, caring for family members, or simply trying to stay afloat during any kind of life disruption – please know that getting knocked off balance doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do to keep you safe during times of change, upheaval or uncertainty.
Please know that you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You don’t have to be productive in every season. Sometimes life has other plans for us, and you’re allowed to take time finding your way back to center. 🌱💕
I’d love to hear from you – what helps you re-center when life pulls you off balance? I’d love to hear your favorite strategies or tips – leave a comment below and let me know.
Sometimes sharing a tip that seems obvious to you can give someone else the biggest aha!
With you through it all,
Karen 🌼💕
P.S. I wanted to share a couple of pics with you – one of all the cousins enjoying the beach on our vacay (in age/height order!) and my daughter, Olivia dancing: 🥰
Why You Feel So Vulnerable And Alone After Therapy Sessions (And What Actually Helps)
5 Gentle Ways to Let Go as the Seasons Change
When Life Pulls You Off Track (5 Ways to Find Your Center Again)
This was very timely Karen. I really resonate with 4️⃣ Honor the Season You’re In. I had an extra heavy June as I chose to retire at the end of the month, and found myself suddenly with multiple special projects to complete in a short period of time. I couldn’t even relax after completing the earlier ones as people kept adding to my workload up to the last minute. During July I thought I would finally address my issues with my home, but alas that was a struggle. I did get a few things done, but not nearly as much as I hoped. Every suggestion you made in #4 is quite valuable to me, and I’m giving myself time to adjust to my new reality.
Hi Mary,
I’m so glad my post felt timely and helpful for you. You’ve gone through a really big transition. I’m really happy to hear that you resonated with the tips in 4️⃣ and most of all – that you’re giving yourself all the space and time you need to adjust to this new season.
Thinking of you, Karen 🤗
Oh Karen, this is unbelievable! Whenever something is happening and I’m trying to understand why I’m acting the way I do, along comes a note from you. Example: at work they are busy installing cameras in our ALF. This really threw me for a loop! Cant stand change and everything’s a mess. Then I’m blaming myself for reacting the way I do. I just don’t seem to process it well. Until I hear from you, that allows me to understand why I am the way that I am. I always wish I could be like other people and not let things bother me. Always on alert and afraid something might happen that I will get beaten. I empathize with you Karen for I understand you very deeply and I so appreciate you. You make me realize that I am not alone as I always was. ♥️♥️♥️
Hi Carol,
I’m so glad you got this message at the right time for you. I’m so sorry this upheaval has left you feeling so triggered and on edge. I’m so glad you’re here and I appreciate your kind words. Sending you so much love today ♥️
As you know, I am “navigating grief” this summer after the loss of my beloved dog, and am finding it so deeply challenging. It feels like it will last forever, and that alone really shorts me out. The reminder that now might not be a time to be particularly productive is helpful, and to try to be gentle with myself (I know I’m beating myself a lot over the extra depression weight I have gained, and the radical lapse in my self-care practices—again, due to depression.) I know one good thing (as this kind of grief has been WAY beyond anything I have ever experienced before…) is that I have sought out more—different—support (in this case, bereavement specific) in addition to the regular support I have in place for “normal” life. Anyway, trying to do the best I can for myself, and still show up for my husband and my other pup, though it is really really hard.
Hi Sheri,
I know it’s been such a challenging time for you. And I know how deeply you loved Lexi. She was so blessed to have you as her mama. I’m so glad you’re being as gentle as you can with yourself. I understand how frustrating gaining weight can be – and giving yourself space to feel your emotions in little tiny pieces AND allowing yourself to lean in to comfort when it all feels too much is really important too. I’m really glad you’ve been upping your self-care practices to help support you through this difficult time. I’m here for you – sending you both much love, Karen ♥️
Thank you Karen 💗