If only I’d… then… (Tapping for Shame)

One of the biggest challenges faced by survivors of abuse and sexual trauma is processing feelings of shame about what happened to us.

So often we can blame ourselves, thinking we could or should have done something differently.

We hold on to the belief that “if only I’d…then…” because it gives us some sense of control over our experience.

We tell ourselves things like: “If I’d fought back then maybe I could have escaped”. Or “If I’d been better or smarter or more lovable then this never would have happened..”

Holding on to shame and the belief that what happened to us was “our fault”, can preserve a sense of agency and hope; keeping us from spiraling into despair.

Shame and self blame may have kept us alive back then – but it’s likely keeping us stuck today.

This is why it’s so important for us to begin to release this old belief; letting go of shame and acknowledging that what happened was never our fault.

We did not cause the abuse, nor could we have prevented it.

As we sit with this difficult truth, we also have to sit with the grief and hopelessness that there was nothing we could have done to change or prevent what happened to us.

I know it may feel challenging, but this can be a gradual and gentle process.

As you tap along with me today, please know that releasing even 1% of this shame and self blame – will make a big difference in your life! 😃

Your courage in creating a safe space to grieve will in turn bring new hope and possibilities to your life.

Leave a ♥ if you’re ready to release shame and breathe a little deeper.

Sending you so much love and compassion today! 🌷🌱

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5 Comments on this post

    • I’m so glad it was helpful Sophia. Working with shame is a gradual process, but one so integral to our healing journey. ☺️

  1. Wow! So powerful. This meditation gave me permission to release a little bit of the shame that has haunted me for 55 years. I have come so far and survived so much but it can be so hard to see that and believe that it’s true when the monsters of shame, regret, and self-loathing are lurking, waiting for any opportunity to seize me and squash my joy. Thank you so much. I would love even longer meditations on dealing with the abuse and the woundedness that has come with it.

    • I’m so glad it was powerful for you Twanna. It takes so much courage to sit with our shame. Keep tapping on this little by little and see if you can journal some specifics that resonate for you around the shame and self-loathing. This will help your tapping be even more effective. I’m working on some programs and those will include extended tapping videos and meditations. ☺️🌱

  2. Thank you Karen for helping me deepen my relationship with shame, my own experience of it and the beliefs accompanying it; also that of my parents. And with this feeling more of the deep pain that it protected us all from when life had been too much. My father had terrible experiences in a Japanese Prisoner of War camp and I am coming to see much more clearly how shame arose in his life and that of our family. With love and gratitude for all you bring to the world through your beautiful expression of being; freeing up shame in so many interconnected ways.

About Me

I'm Karen Ortner, an EFT Tapping expert, personal development coach, and childhood abuse survivor and I'm passionate about helping YOU in your healing journey!


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