For some, Father’s Day is a time to celebrate – and if this is you – I wish you a wonderful day! 🥰
For others, however, this day brings grief, anger or just an un-namable, hollow kind of ache; a muddled mix of emotions that may not even make sense.
If this day feels heavy or confusing for you — please know, you’re not alone.
Your story is not too messy and your reaction is not too much. ♥️
Thirteen years since I took a stand. Thirteen years since I said “enough.”
And yet, here I am. Still “doing time”. Still living in the shadow of my past trauma. Clawing my way towards freedom and healing; day-by-painstaking-day.
While he lives on — seemingly untouched, unbothered, unaccountable.
Years have passed and yet…
Some days I feel at peace. And some days I still feel stuck; suspended in time; the version of me he created — or destroyed.
I wonder: Will I ever be free? Will I ever feel whole or fully healed? Will I ever be able to be fully present in my life today?
These are the questions that haunt so many of us. And what I’ve learned is that healing isn’t linear. Some days we feel strong and whole, other days the old wounds feel raw all over again. Both are part of the journey, and both are completely normal.
And that’s the difficult and sometimes cruel reality of this trauma-healing journey – even when they’re no longer a part of our lives today, their impact can still be felt at any time because their imprint remains:
❤️ In our nervous systems
❤️ In our bodies
❤️ In our relationships
❤️ In our beliefs, our self-worth
❤️ In the way we cling to life and hope with a vice-like grip
Sometimes we can get so fixated on trying to heal and move beyond our past that we can forget all about living in the here and now.
It’s such an understandable response isn’t it? And perhaps you can relate?
🌱You don’t want to feel stuck anymore.
🌱You don’t want to keep carrying this heaviness, this grief, this feeling of brokenness.
And so you try everything. Every modality, every healing technique—You push yourself harder, faster. Frantically.
But the truth is: Urgency is not a healing state. It’s a survival state.
It’s what kept us alive back then — and unfortunately, it’s what may be keeping us stuck now.
✨Allowing space to feel, instead of forcing progress.
✨Staying present and connected to ourselves – instead of abandoning ourselves again and again.
✨Beginning to accept ourselves with all of our perceived brokenness and imperfections – rather than rushing to become someone new or different or “better”.
What if it’s time for us to:
🌀Stop punishing ourselves for what was never our fault?
🌀To breathe into the life we have right now — even in this messy middle of our healing journey – and even with the pain still present?
Because maybe:
✨We don’t have to wait until all the pain is gone to start really living.
✨We don’t have to finish healing to reclaim our joy.
(Side of the Hand): Even though I sometimes feel stuck in time… living in the shadow of the past… I deeply honor how hard I’ve fought to survive.
☀️(Eyebrow): This pressure and urgency that I feel.
☀️(Side of Eye): This need to go faster.
☀️(Under Eye): So many years have passed…
☀️(Under Nose): And I’m still here, doing time. It’s so frustrating.
☀️(Chin): Still trying to fix what was never mine to carry.
☀️(Collarbone): But what if I don’t have to fix it all to live a good life right now?
☀️Under Arm): What if I can begin to soften and allow my healing to unfold?
☀️(Top of Head): I am healing at my own pace and I am enough – even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Now, breathe into your belly and ask yourself…
What if I don’t have to change anything today? What if I can just be with however I feel?
🫱 “I am not broken.”
🫱 “It is safe to be here now.”
🕊 This Father’s Day, it’s ok to feel exactly as you feel, without that urgent need to rush past it or push it away..
The sorrow. The anger. The confusion. The numbness or the nothing. All of it is valid.
We have all survived so much. And maybe it’s time for us to give ourselves a little compassion and a little grace – to pause and notice just how far we’ve already come, even when the journey feels far from over.
Sending you so much love today,
Karen 💕
Ps – I’d love to know how you’re doing. Comment below and let me know one tiny way you’re releasing urgency and slowing down today?
Pps – My voice is doing much better – woohoo! 🎶👄🥰
The Grief Nobody Talks About: Why Healing Hurts More Before It Gets Better
Father’s Day Healing: From Forcing to Allowing Yourself to Be
How to Soften the Struggle When Life Feels Out of Your Control: 5 Things I Learned From Losing My Voice
The way I have found to live life with more contentment: first to forgive; second to reconnect with my conscious self. Tapping helps every morning, every night & in between to reconnect…. To our higher selves. (Get rid of the Ego driven people.) Find friends that obviously want to live in the NOW. I have found after reconnecting over & over that to begin to find higher consciousness is possible & a force for goodness. Assume nothing… just be the kind person that is grateful every day for simple grateful moments.
Each generation has a chance to believe in themselves & believe in a higher power. Then recognize triggers, use tapping to help free yourself back to your conscious self. Not easy, but confidence builds as tapping helps to release old patterns & habits. My goal is to be my higher, more grateful, more kind self… as my conscious self is filled with contentment. I feel that someday aligning with my angels may be possible. Today is the first time I am writing this profound statement, including the super power of Tapping to achieve living NOW, with contentment & kindness, & thoughtfulness that have always been the better part of who I am. Living in peace is my soul’s goal.
Thank you, Karen Ortner for sharing, getting everyone to think deeply!
May God bless you always & help you to stay well.
Hi Jo,
I’m so happy to hear how you’re using Tapping to help you connect to your higher self and inner parts. And yes – opening to connecting with your angels too. I do believe in that – and that they are here for us all. Wishing you a peaceful week ahead. Sending you much love,
Karen 🙂
Thank you so much for this. This is not about my father, or physical abuse. but my reaction, to my mother’s emotional abuse and the way society was in the 1950s and 60s. It is so easy to buy into the idea that if I just Tap enough or do enough healing, or any other work, it will get sorted in the end. Especially if you find it difficult to relax. This reminder is just what I needed today. Again, Thank you so much.
Hi Sue,
You’re absolutely right – there is no quick fix or band aid. Slow and steady, incremental shifts are what truly help. I’m so glad you received this message when you needed it. Sending you much love today Sue,
Karen 🙂
Karen,
So happy about your voice strengthening.
Grateful for this post. All holidays and celebration s feel out of reach for me. Including this one.
I am breathing in the comfort that my husband and I are creating a different story for our 11 precious children.
I rest every day in the afternoon, including today and am learning to attune to my feelings, needs, thoughts and wants. Not easy!
Hi Suzanne,
Thank you – yes it feels great to finally be talking again! 🙂 I’m so happy to hear you’ve created a different story for your children. Not easy as you say – but breaking these cycles is so very powerful. Wishing you a peaceful rest of your day and weekend.
Karen 🥰
I am grateful, Karen, for your offering here. Every year Father’s Day does present a mix of feelings for me.
I’ve been estranged from my biological father for decades now. Narcissistic. Must’ve experienced extreme trauma as a young child.
I’ve worked for years to forgive him for what he did to my Mom, so I could just feel at peace.
I only connected my series of finding harmful boyfriends over the years to my lacking relationship with my biological father over the last decade or so.
I’m grateful that I was able to marry in 2011 a kind and gentle man who was a Mystic who was 15 years older than myself. After taking care of him during critical care, he died in 2019.
Grief is a teacher as well.
I find the tapping helpful. Thank you for encouraging me to get back in my body, even if it physically hurts there while grieving.
I am grateful for the healing that is unfolding. I am learning to go within.
Hi Melinda,
Thank you for sharing your experience and the pattern you discovered showing up in your relationships. Your late-husband sounds like he was a wonderful man. I’m so glad to hear that you’re using tapping and finding it helpful in navigating your grief and pain. It’s not easy to come back to our body – but it is where the grounded healing happens. Keep going. 🥰
Thanks for this Tapping script Karen!!! Helped me a lot!
I’m so glad you found the script helpful Colleen. 😃
Thanks for the tapping sequence Karen. Father’s Day is much easier for me to deal with than Mother’s Day, as she was the abusive parent. I’m told that my dad’s mother was also abusive, so I think he had his own trauma to deal with but tried to do the best for us.
For me, it’s a kind of dance: one step forward, two steps back, swing to the right then swing to the left. Some days I truly appreciate what I have (Sunday was special due to an unexpected invitation to a college graduation ceremony) and then I totally collapsed on Monday due to having unexpected transactions with two women who remind me of my mother.
Sigh! I did tap, but I also stayed home all day and slept a lot. Some times I just need to sleep enough so things look better in the morning!
Hi Mary – yes, absolutely. Sometimes the best thing we can do it allow ourselves to rest and process what we’re experiencing indirectly that way. And you’re right – oftentimes things do look brighter in the morning. 😃
I’m so glad you found the tapping sequence helpful. The graduation ceremony sounds lovely too. Wishing you a peaceful rest of your week,
Karen 🌸