I can’t believe we’re already well into September! The kids have settled back into the rhythm of school and activities, and I’m doing my best to embrace the beginnings of this seasonal shift: the crisper mornings, the early golden leaves, the hot tea, cozier clothes, and shorter days.
In the past I’ve really struggled with this transition – pulling out my vitamin D sunlamp and trying valiantly to ward off feelings of impending doom and isolation as winter closes in around me. 🥶
But Autumn is my daughter’s favorite season. She absolutely loves everything about it! She makes playlists, re-watches her favorite fall movies and shows, snuggles up in cozy, soft blankets, decorates her room with foliage, and loves to go on long walks, hopping through the leaves – celebrating every crinkle and crunch!
So this year, I’m really trying to explore it through her eyes – and honestly, her excitement is infectious. 😃🍁
Suddenly I’m looking for magic – slowing down and savoring the tiny rituals and moments like finding a heart-shaped leaf or trying a new soup recipe – instead of mourning the end of warmer days or dreading the frigid cold and barren landscape of impending winter.
As I sit here writing this with my steaming cup of tea and my pup curled up snore-purring beside me, I’m reminded of what my daughter and nature have been modeling for me all along: the art of allowing and letting go – yes, even when we don’t exactly know what comes next!
If we can pause in this place of not knowing and uncertainty – even for a moment – we might begin to understand that “letting go” doesn’t have to be a bleak, depressing thing. It can be about releasing the old, pruning and shedding what no longer serves us, in order to make space for new and perhaps exciting things to emerge and grow. 🌱
My daughter is certainly adept at embracing change – emerging with grace on the other side of last year’s dance upheavals, taking middle school AND a new ballet school in her stride! 💗🩰
Unlike trees, we humans don’t just naturally drop what we no longer need. When the time comes for trees, they simply… let go. 🍂🍁
Easier said than done for many of us, right? Especially when that “letting go” calls on us to re-examine issues of survival and identity, or loosen our grip on trusty old coping strategies we’ve likely relied upon to provide some sense of certainty or safety through the years.
As the days grow shorter and we naturally begin to turn inward, it’s a perfect opportunity to ask ourselves:
🤔 “What am I still carrying or holding onto that perhaps no longer serves me?”
🤔 “What kept me safe back then – but feels more like it’s holding me back today?”
🤔 “When I think about that thing and the idea of letting it go – do I notice any fear and resistance rising inside me?”
Maybe for you, the thing you’re still carrying might be:
🌿 Perfectionist or people-pleasing tendencies that leave you feeling drained and exhausted
🌿 Commitments you said yes to out of obligation, not desire
🌿 Habits, behaviors, or beliefs that were necessary back then but you now feel you’ve outgrown (you just don’t know what to replace them with yet)
🌿 The need to have everything figured out before taking action
Oftentimes, letting go can feel so challenging for trauma survivors because empty spaces once felt dangerous. We learned to fill every gap, every silence – with busyness, with people-pleasing, with hypervigilance – because emptiness meant vulnerability. Quiet meant threat. Calm was literally before the storm.
But what if empty spaces aren’t voids to be filled or feared? What if they’re new ground to be tended to and nurtured? 🌱
What if this uncertainty and limbo – this place of “no longer… but not yet…” is actually the perfect place for us to be right now?
When trees release their leaves, they’re not becoming less – they’re creating space for what’s next. The tree is not failing. The bare branches aren’t empty, barren, or dying; they’re preparing.
1️⃣ Start Small and Symbolic
Beginning with our physical environment can be a really practical and helpful entry point for approaching difficult emotions like fear or overwhelm:
💫 Clear out one drawer completely
💫 Donate clothes that no longer feel like “you”
💫 Delete photos from your phone that bring up old pain
💫 Unsubscribe from emails that create obligation rather than joy
Sometimes releasing these physical burdens gives us an opportunity to practice releasing the emotional ones too.
Instead of forcing yourself to let go of big things or everything at once, try creating what I call the “not yet” list.
Write down anything that comes to mind that you would like to work towards changing. Think baby steps. Maybe you’re not quite ready to set a boundary at work or with your in-laws just yet – but you recognize that those dynamics might be ready for up-cycling eventually.
Creating this list helps us collect our thoughts while honoring our current capacity and creating space for future growth. 💛
As social calendars begin to fill with seasonal activities, sports events, and holiday preparations, practice saying:
🍁 “I’m being super intentional about my commitments this season”
🍁 “That sounds lovely, but it doesn’t fit what I’m focusing on right now”
🍁 “I’m learning to say no to good things so I can say yes to great ones”
And my personal favorite right now:
🍁 “If it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no”
Each evening, ask yourself:
🤔 “What did I hold onto today that I could have released?”
🤔 “Did any old patterns or behaviors show up today?”
🤔 “What did I let go of today that may have felt uncomfortable in the moment – but I now see will be easier to do next time?”
Take a moment to notice whatever comes up – without judgment. This process of letting go is an ongoing journey. New habits take practice to instill, and the old ones didn’t get there overnight. 🤗
🍂 Write what you’re releasing on a piece of paper and enjoy a mini fire-pit or bonfire. I find this so helpful and often bring my journal along to record my feelings about the “release”
🍂 Take a “before” photo of a space, clear it up or organize it, then take an “after” photo – I always love progress pics like this – they feel so satisfying!
🍂 If you live close to water, write an intention for what you’d like to release on a stick, leaf, shell, or stone. Hold a little symbolic ceremony and when you’re ready, release the object into the water
What I’m learning about aligning with natural rhythms is that when we fight against the season we’re in, we can exhaust ourselves. But when we lean into it, we find ease and flow.
What if Fall isn’t about trying to reinvent ourselves or become someone completely different overnight? What if Fall is offering us an invitation to reflect and explore what might be ready to be released, composted, or up-cycled into something even better? 🌿🌱
As we enter this season of natural release, I’m curious:
What are you ready to let go of and release? What’s been feeling heavy that you’re finally prepared to set down (even just for a few moments)?
And perhaps more importantly: What are you hoping will grow in the space that this release creates? 💕
The trees don’t hold onto their leaves because they know that letting go is how they prepare for new growth and life. Maybe we can lean into their wisdom together…🍁🍂
I’d love to hear from you, my friend. Leave a comment and let me know – what’s one tiny thing you’re ready to let go of today?
With you in the beauty and uncertainty of this season of release,
Karen 💛🍁🍃
P.S. Remember, letting go doesn’t have to happen all at once. Even trees release their leaves gradually, one by one. Be gentle with yourself as you practice this ancient art of release. 🍃
Why You Feel So Vulnerable And Alone After Therapy Sessions (And What Actually Helps)
5 Gentle Ways to Let Go as the Seasons Change
When Life Pulls You Off Track (5 Ways to Find Your Center Again)
One of the things today I want to release is to be pleasant with my girlfriend in ways I don’t want to bother her, just as I don’t like to go supper to a restaurant tonight with some friends. You can go, I don’t prefer so now.
To be at home to have supper I have realized that I was not going to be myself in some aspects, because fr example I want to have a salad with an extra virgin oil and I love having a Coke with ice and lemon. Little things that have push up my feeling about me.
Thank you Katen for your reflections, are very helpful for me.
Hi Fernando,
I’m so glad my post is helping you reflect on what truly matters and feels authentic for you. Setting boundaries can be really tough – especially in the beginning. But – doing so kindly – is always a good thing in the end. Karen 🙂
I find your blog posts to be sensitive to those of us who still have unresolved trauma. Thank you! I also appreciate your topics and suggestions, obviously given with much thought and care. I particularly love this post because letting go is so difficult to do, especially when you have huge abandonment issues. I love the gentle suggestions of how and what we can do to make improvements, no matter how big or small. I have struggled greatly with complex ptsd and have come to look forward to reading your blog! Thank you for the work you do to help others.
Hi Soue,
Thank you so much for your kind words. 😀 I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been finding my posts and the topics I cover helpful. It truly is in the tiny, incremental shifts we make that the healing happens. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with abandonment issues and cptsd too. Thinking of you Soue and sending you so much love and support, Karen 🙂